This is crazy.  It’s been too long since I’ve last written, and I really really really want to write so much.  I’m loosing so many memories that I want to be recorded for myself and my children.  It’s the beginning of 2009 and I’m going to resolve to write once a week!!! I can’t believe I have two children now!  I’ll have to fill this all in then.  It will help me to feel better I am sure.  today I am quite blue and sick feeling, and I want to write about how wonderful God has been to us over the past several months including the birth of Miss Jenavieve Faith!  Such a beautiful baby girl!  Speaking of, she’s screaming for me right now, so I am going to go!  (Really easy to write, right?!)

So, Sean and I have spent many hours reading and praying over some parenting books.  We have found a lot of valuable principles and a advice, and we have found some to be out of this world ridiculous.  However, we are at this point right now with Ben that is so much fun and so amazing to me!  We have worked very hard from the very beginning with Ben to get him on a good sleeping and eating schedule, and while he is a very well tempered “good baby” and some people just consider us “lucky”….our baby Ben sleeps well through the night and eats on a relatively consistent schedule.  He is a blessing and wonderful addition to our home!  I love this baby so much!  We had so much fun getting his 3 month pictures done the other day too…he was full of smiles and fun!  But anyway, as fun and “good” as he maybe, this three month old baby is learning the power of “The Cry”.  I didn’t think it could happen!  It was like an all of the sudden switch!  My baby learns to cry JUST so I come running to him!  I can’t believe it…absolutely nothing will be wrong, he will be laughing and cooing and being my happy Ben, and then I turn away for 10 minutes and guess what happens?!?! “The sky is falling the sky is falling!” lol!

So since my child is learning his voice and everything, Sean and I started this week to employ a method of training that he does not get played with when crying.  We’ve read several books and articles about this, but it’s the actual practice that is, let’s say, trying for a mother!  We now make sure 100% all of his needs are met for the time.  Play with him for a while so that he is happy and then calmly walk away…sure enough Ben will start fussing and crying because things aren’t to his liking and Sean and I will walk by him and around him simply ignoring him until he stops crying.  He stops usually soon enough and within a few moments of him stopping we go and pick him up, hug and kiss him until he laugh again.  It’s a bit of a process, but I really believe it is paying off and prayerfully we will not have a child that simply screams to get his way…especially when it’s not because something is wrong.

Of course I completely admit, I struggle with that from time to time thinking about this.  Am I going to miss a real need of this baby?  And what I’ve come to the conclusion on is, I am 100% sure that I am meeting his needs, I know already when he needs to eat and is hungry because we worked on that from day 1, I know already for the most part when he is tired and he needs a nap again because this was established in day one…so both of those needs can be met before Ben would even need to begin to fuss to let me know something is wrong in one of those departments (of course I know there are certain exceptions to this in situations with my baby and I do stay aware of that, especially as we grows, but on the whole, this is true).  Furthermore, it’s the times where he is laughing and playing that we really work on this…

I’ll tell you, even though he is a “baby” to me there isn’t much that is more embarrassing then being in a restaurant and a little child having a complete temper tantrum becaues a) he isn’t getting his own way or b) he’s not the center of attention, which usually refers back to a!

So by NO means do I think Sean and I are wonderful parents and we are going to have this perfectly cryless obedient 3 month old.  Nor am I naive enough to think my child will never have a temper tantrum or that we are going to do everything “right”.  But I am so happy that I have a husband who supports and agrees with me that we are going to do the best we can with the God given abilities and knowledge to train up this child!

Anyway, that’s my little rant on what is happening at this point in Ben’s life!

I know I have not written in a crazy number of days, but I have been reminded of so many things these past few weeks.

Recently I have been taking my time going through the book of Luke. The came out of no where but by God’s guidance. Honestly I was feeling really sorry for myself for several days about my lack of wisdom simply from being young and silly and also that I am a woman. Silly I know, especially that I would even feel sorry for myself about it, but I have been struggling with wanting to make a “difference” to minister, to help and I have been literally keeping myself in a lie that is saying “Megan, no one cares what you have to say! You are young, inexperienced, foolish, equally sinful and on top of that you are just a girl!” I have struggled with some of my past and the thoughts and reminders of when I was a teen, how I really felt like I was seeking God and His truth, and looking back on it, while I was trying to do that, I was TOTALLY wrong in my approach, and honestly I have been scared of doing that again. I don’t want to be wrong, though I know I am imperfect and sinful, I don’t want to look back in 20 years and say, look how dumb I was being and ignorant I was towards God and His children! I don’t know if that is a bad thing, but I suppose it is a part of life to learn from and to grow from, which I do believe God wants us to do. It’s a scary realization to go from feeling like you are figuring things out to realizing you don’t have a clue at all…one of the reasons why now I know we all need to stay in close fellowship with God and not just do the “best we can”, but earnestly ask and seek Him….and learning that when I am ignorant to Him, I can ask forgiveness and He is faithful regardless of my anythings. I have come to realize that even my greatest intentions on things I want from life are so stained with sin and with selfish motives deep down…even wanting to raise a godly child has some level of pride behind it, though it’s my responsibility to do!

Well I “stumbled”upon Luke these past few weeks, and I’m hanging out a lot in the first 3 chapters….

A few things that God has used to really stand out to me is the story of Zacharias and of Mary…one a man, the other a woman. One is older, more mature, wiser, a believer. The other is young, innocent, probably not super experienced in much of anything and yet she is a believer. Now I know I have heard this story a million times before about the angel of God coming to Mary and telling her she is going to be the mother of Jesus though she has never known a man….but I guess what has caught my attention for the first time in this story is that while she was in her young, immature state, she was faithful and she was “regarded in lowly state”. (Luke 1:46) Mary still believed, was faithful and magnified and rejoiced in the Lord. I am sure she didn’t really have the words, and she was never a mother before, how must have she really felt? (Just being a new Mom myself, I never thought too much about that side of the coin. I had always sorta thought, she was the mother of Jesus! Her job was easy! He never sinned, He never disobeyed…etc… but she was still a sinner, still human and I am SURE she had those thoughts now!) Anyway, the point is Mary didn’t question God in disbelief of what He was telling her He was going to do.

Now to go back to the beginning….Zacharias, “righteous before God, walking in all commandments…blameless” (Luke 1:6) what happened when the angel came to him and told him that Elizabeth, his wife that was considered barren, would be with child (John)? That this child would be “filled with the Holy Spirit even from his mothers womb” (1:15)…Zacharias did not believe, and God caused him to become a mute at the time of Elizabeth’s pregnancy because of his disbelief to the Words of Gabriel through God the Father.

Am I crazy or was there a serious lesson for me to learn in there? Of course then the questions and excuses can start in my mind, well I’m no Mary! I mean come on, it’s not like I am going to do anything THAT great for God like Mary did! I mean what on earth am I suppose…. NO MEGAN! The point still is, faithfullness and obedience and belief in the Lord wholly and completely! I am pretty sure Mary was not the perfect woman, having all the answers and wisdom, always having the right way to pursue her daily living…but she was faithful! Even thinking upon all of this and even writing it out, I honestly am still saying to myself “but Megan, even if I’m faithful and I’m trying to be obedient, what if I am still wrong?” (call me crazy, it’s ok! )

All of this is to basically say, no matter what, I am really striving to continue to have a willing and a faithfully obedient heart!  I pray that you may do the same!

I am overwhelmed with emotions of this precious baby! He is so good, I can hardly believe it sometimes.

He is practically sleeping through the night already!  He is on a really good schedule overall, we’re still working on making sure he doesn’t need to be “held” to fall asleep, though I absolutely LOVE rocking him to sleep and holding him!

And he is becoming SO animated and Expressive!  I absolutely love the smiles he’s been giving me.  He’ll sit on my lap,  and just stare at me now…and he’ll smile at faces and noises too.

Sean and I are just starting to work on baby sign language with him and it’s so much fun!  (I mean he isn’t fully aware of what’s going on yet, but…)  I’m really praying that will help later on too.  I’m so excited to work on training him and teaching him more about Jesus.  That’s mine favorite sign to work on with Ben too, (Thank-you Jesus).  I’ve also been playing Bible verse songs for him too during the day.  I don’t want to be a “pushy” training Mother, but I really want to start as early as possible for the habit of it if nothing else!

I’m so thankful for Sean because he really wants to work on the same areas I do.  We know we are going to be far from perfect parents, but we are so thankful to God for some eye opening experiences that have allowed us to research and talk about situations and pray for wisdom and discernment in making choices in parenting for Ben.

Ben is starting to get very used to having to have his binky to go to sleep, which really isn’t what Sean and I want to have happen, so it’s a hard choice as to if we just let him cry a little bit and settle himself, or to just give it to him when he crys.

Ben’s first Christmas this year!  Wow was that AWESOME for me!!!  What a GIFT!!!!  I couldn’t help but sit and stare at him and think of what Mary must have been thinking when she gave birth to baby Jesus and knowing that He would be the Saviour of the world!  What a precious baby and an AMAZING thing!  I’m so thankful for the birth of Jesus and the birth of my own son Ben.  I pray that I will be the mother that can raise him to KNOW the baby Jesus who grew up into a man to die for the sins of this world.

I can look around and see how quickly many people (including myself at times) get so sucked into the rush and the fuss of the season, that we really don’t take the time to truly be thankful for what happened and enjoy the special time with family.

Christmas Eve was so much fun spending time with family and playing games, also spending the night with at my parents house and waking up really early to open gifts.

It’s so hard because I LOVE making a big deal about giving gifts and the FUN of Christmas, but I want sooo badly to keep the right perspective for my children.  I’m so very thrilled about starting my very own family traditions as well.  All growing up, every Christmas Eve my parents would give us kids new pjs to wear for Christmas morning.  It was always a lot of fun, but I think I really want my tradition to be a new book for the kids every year….I’ve been buying a book for Sean every year for a while, and I think it’d be really cool to continue in a very special way…include a note to them and something special that way.

Anyway, I just had to share a little bit about the first Christmas, I want to spend so much more time writing and reading.  I’m really praying I can get into a schedule better, yet it hasn’t been bad for just starting.

I have so much to write about.  Such a story in how God brought Bensen Kyle Gravener to us…on Thanksgiving Day no less!  Bensen was born November 22, 2007 at 4:57pm weighing 7lbs. 2.9oz and 20in. long!  He is such a miracle and a blessing, my words can not even begin to express it!

There have been so many lessons learned along these past 9+ Months and I know so many more to come over the life of this little man.  My hearts desire to raise Ben to love and serve God is not going to be an easy task, and certainly not one that Sean or I are taking lightly at all.  It’s amazing the rush and the overwhelming love and sense of a different kind of responsibility God fills you with as a parent.  It’s nothing you can realize or even explain until you actually experience it for yourself!  I mean, I loved this little guy long before he was born.  I spent hours during my pregnancy rubbing my belly, praying for him and even talking “to him”.  I felt like there was such a bond there already, how could I possibly love this little person any more?  Well nothing could express the way I felt the moment I heard him cry for the first time.  Ben was born by c-section after a very very long labor (4 days as a matter of fact), and it was sorta scary feeling the doctors tug and pull and really cut me open to get this baby out, but the second I heard that first whimper of Ben, my heart totally melted and I cried such a mixed emotion of tears myself.

It wasn’t long after he was delivered that I had him in my arms and was really just praising God for this miracle of life that He gave Sean and I to raise.  This baby is so beautiful and precious.  He’s been so good too.  I can hardly believe that tomorrow he will be 2 weeks old.  This time is going by too fast already!!!  I want so bad to capture every single moment with him and share it with the world (though the World is probably not quite ready for that haha!)  In any case, my desire to still blog at least 3 times a week about my devotions and everything is still a goal, one that I am falling very short of at the moment, but still recovering from the c-section and taking care of the newborn is a little bit more than I thought it would be…so much better, but more than I thought it would be.

Sean and I both really have our hearts set on wanting to do so many things, and it’s really hard some days.  Trying to find the balance, the discipline and the consistency, really isn’t an easy job either.  We want our relationship to grow in so many ways, then to also think of what we have to do personally for our own relationships with God to grow, and then raise a child to have a relationship too, it’s overwhelming to think of the proactive steps we have to take to draw closer to God, but the rewards of how He draws closer to us is so worth every step when we take it.

Sean and I were talking this morning, and it is so neat to see how much closer God is drawing us to Him.  How much we do not want to become stagnant in Him, even when it is the easy thing to just read the Bible once in a while, go to church and pray before we eat…that’s not a real relationship with God at all, and I am so thankful to be married to a man who actually sees it that way too!

My hearts plea is just for God to continue to draw us, teach us and convict us.  That we would just stay humble before Him and before each other as a couple.  I know that may sound a little cliche, but it really is how I feel.

I am so thankful for EVERYTHING God has done for us, right now I just praise Him for this beautiful family, a wonderful husband and an extremely good baby!  For this warm and safe home He had for us, for the car that we can drive, for the Doctors that are taking care of us.  For the exciting time of year to celebrate His birth and spend time with family and traditions, for the snow fall that is so neat to watch out my living room window this great afternoon.  I’m thankful for God’s word and for His gracious mercy toward us!  I’m so thankful for Sean’s job and for the provisions it allows us!  There are so many things that I really could just list on and on this afternoon…but I’m sure you get the idea.

In any case, I am really going to commit myself to writing as much as I can, to continue to read His word and to Rejoice Always!

I was listening to Suze Orman on public television today and she went through a list of 8 Qualities for a Wealthy Woman. I got really excited listening to this because much of what she was saying is so much of what I believe that God wants women to be applying to their lives in an honorable and desirable way. The main thing missing in her seminar today was the message of God’s word and truths. I’m going to share really quick the 8 Qualities that she talked on today and then I want to show what I’ve learned from Proverbs 31 and how they compare!

Suze Orman - Qualities for a Wealthy Woman

• Harmony
• Balance
• Courage
• Generosity
• Happiness
• Cleanliness
• Beauty
• Wisdom

Suze said so many great things about these qualities today I don’t want to take away from that, but I want to add to what I’ve really come to understand through Proverbs 31 on the virtuous woman. You can read the entire passage and I would recommend reading it every day for next two weeks as we go through these qualities that I’ve come to understand. Here is the list I started to work on and developed…

• Trusted
• Does good all the days of her life
• Willingly works
• Provides Food
• Rises early
• Good Business Woman
• Strong
• Perceives her merchandise is good
• Generous
• Her Family is well clothed
• Her clothing is respectable and rich
• She Makes and She Sells
• Full of Strength and Honor
• Full of Wisdom
• Kind
• Watchful of her family
• Is not idle or a gossip
• Fears the Lord

I am going to break down my thoughts on each one of the qualities I’ve listed out. You can really see in the lists, Suze’s list is really a summary of what Proverbs 31 already calls a virtuous and really a wealthy and blessed woman. The passage starts out by saying this virtuous woman’s worth is far above rubies, which is so precious and rare.I am so excited to be sharing the truths that I have learned and what I have seen demonstrated through other great women who seek true Wealth and Beauty.

We’ll take this one quality at a time and really break down verse by verse Proverbs 31….as soon as possible.

Yesterday was Sean and my 1 year anniversary.  We really had such a great day!  We got up really early and left for breakfast at Shady Maple at 6:00am.  We had a super great breakfast and time together there, lots of pictures and just so thankful that God has put us together!  We came home around 9, and we were both dead tired, so we fell asleep for an hour or so and then decided to get up and do something.  So we decided to open our gifts to each other…. Sean gave me a wonderful scrapbooking kit and scissors for decorating.  I got him a bunch of little tools and a devotional book which all had special little notes and meanings.  We had a lot of fun going up to Reading and doing a little shopping and getting coffee at Starbucks.  We stopped off at Wawa for a picnic dinner and took it to Boyertown park for some fun.  We had fun swinging and taking pictures and just being together.  Anyway, I just thought I would share! :)  Fun times and just so blessed by this past year.  God has been so good to us and taught us SO much since our meeting and beginning our marriage!

I have not been a faithful writer like I had planned to be… things this pregnancy have been difficult and I have put off any additional writings or anything… but I have to stop and write and say… God Is SO Good To US!

Things have been a little rough recently for Sean and I, and they still are not even close to easy, as a matter of fact they’ve been overall just miserable…but God has been SO Faithful and I was reminded of that all over again on Sunday morning. I was absolutely broken through the whole church service and during worship time we sang, (well the congregation sang, I cried and mouthed the words with my eyes sealed tight) “Blessed Be the Name of the Lord”.

Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name

Blessed be your name
When I’m found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name

Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say…
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name

Blessed be your name
When the sun’s shining down on me
When the world’s all as it should be
Blessed be your name

Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there’s pain in the offering
Blessed be your name

Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say…
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, Blessed be your name

Every word of this song gripped my heart so deeply and I just had to post this now with all the words. Sunday morning was not easy when I sat down with the check book to tithe and the decision of how much do we stretch this week to give? Well we gave what we could and decided that this Sunday we would not go out with our friends after the service just like we always do. It’s become a real blessing of a time to gather together after Church on Sunday and just fellowship with each other…but this Sunday we would just not be able to do it. As we walked out to the car for Church, I had just thought to myself in a little prayer, “Lord it would be great to still go out with everyone after church, what could we do?” Well God had plans for us! The first announcement at church was that there was going to be an after church brunch for one of our church missionaries who just came back into the area and the whole church was welcome to be there. I filled up with tears instantly thinking, oh what fellowship there! It was overly exciting, and then to have that song well up in my heart…God is just so GOOD!

He is teaching me so much about trusting Him with everything, and giving EVERYTHING, EVERY PART, EVERY BREATH COMPLETELY to Him!

Sean and I are so blessed in this marriage we share, and in the blessing of pregnancy (as rough as it maybe!) that we just can’t imagine why on earth we tried living by our own selfish ways for so long without turning our lives to Him.

We have so much to learn, and so many things that we need to mature in and still give to God, I wish it was a simple overnight solution…it’s just not that easy!

Anyway, I pray that God continues to use His Holy Spirit to work and to grab hearts that He may be Glorified in all things!

For a little while now, I’ve been feeling very excited and hopeful about writing everyday about my devotions.  To be honest this has been an intention for awhile and then every time I go to just do it, I feel like I can’t.  I get scared at times, instead of just putting myself out there and writing to help others, I think “I really don’t know anything”, when really I do, or “I’m going to offend somebody”, when maybe I should.  I get caught up in knowing I’m not a great writer and I don’t have all the answers.  But I know right now that I am growing.  I know right now that I have something to offer, and I know right now that my heart is fixed on serving God, and if I can do that even a little through writing, I’m going to do that.

This passage of scripture is what made it really click for me:

Jeremiah 1:1-10

1   The words of Jeremiah the son of Hilkiah, of the priests that were in Anathoth in the land of Benjamin:
2   To whom the word of the LORD came in the days of Josiah the son of Amon king of Judah, in the thirteenth year of his reign.
3   It came also in the days of Jehoiakim the son of Josiah king of Judah, unto the end of the eleventh year of Zedekiah the son of Josiah king of Judah, unto the carrying away of Jerusalem captive in the fifth month.
4   Then the word of the LORD came unto me, saying,
5   Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.
6   Then said I, Ah, Lord GOD! behold, I cannot speak: for I am a child.
7   But the LORD said unto me, Say not, I am a child: for thou shalt go to all that I shall send thee, and whatsoever I command thee thou shalt speak.
8   Be not afraid of their faces: for I am with thee to deliver thee, saith the LORD.
9   Then the LORD put forth his hand, and touched my mouth. And the LORD said unto me, Behold, I have put my words in thy mouth.
10   See, I have this day set thee over the nations and over the kingdoms, to root out, and to pull down, and to destroy, and to throw down, to build, and to plant.
This got to my heart because Jeremiah spent years in ministry, and he was very young when God called him.  I love verse 6 that says “I cannot speak for I am a child”.  I can relate to that in so many ways, yet I just want to desperately share what I have learned and devote my life to God.  To be a servant of His, to be a godly wife, mother, friend, hairstylist, or even writer.  God called Jeremiah, and from a young age I’ve felt Him calling me. I don’t have all the answers, and I don’t know exactly what God will want me to do, but I am ready to start.  Fear that I will make a mistake or of what others may think really is just a silly excuse I am making.  God said to Jeremiah not to say that he is a child, and God equipped him and gave Jeremiah what he needed to minister.
If you feel as though God is calling you, take heart in that.  It’s ok to be a little scared, but God wants to use you.  God will be with you just as He was with Jeremiah, and just as I know He is with me now.

I am totally amazed and excited to think about what God is going to be doing in my life and my families life, and I really look forward to what God can do in yours.