I was reading 1 Samuel 1 & 2 today and I started really thinking about Hannah’s prayer for Samuel, and how she dedicated him to God.  She gave him COMPLETELY to the Lord, so far as to not even being able to raise him after practically begging God for a baby.  Hannah came to the point when Samuel was born that she kept him until he was weaned from nursing (1Sam. 1:22 & 1:24) and she gave him unto the Lord forever to be of His service.  (1Sam. 1:28)

I was also thinking about Abraham and Isak too, and how God asked Abraham to surrender Isak to God.

I pray for Ben everyday and I also thank God for him.  I ask God to really help me to be the mother He would want me to be as well as the wife, friend, daughter, etc…. but what has REALLY blown me away now that I am an actual mother, the total submission and surrenderance of life to God by these examples.   I’ve realized how seriously weak in faith and in obedience to God I can be.

I feel as though I love Ben so much, and I want him to live for God and I want to obey God, but…if God ever asked me to give him away…..oh my goodness!!!!  I am really learning or being hit by the lesson of what God really does ask me as a parent to do.  God really does want me to love Him more than my son, who I never thought I could love so very much.  I feel so low because of my unworthiness to my Heavenly Father, yet He has blessed me so richly anyway.  I know that He is teaching me and bringing me closer to Him through Bensen too!

I really just pray that I now can give my life, my heart and my love fully to God in surrendering obedience to His will for my family and my very own life.  Beyond that is the prayer for Ben to come to that same place of obedience and accepting God into his heart and life for eternity.

The really amazing thing about Hannah and Samuel, is that it TRULY was Hannah’s prayer for Samuel to live for and be used by God.  She only had such a short time to be with him, to cuddle-love him, to train and teach him…yet God took that and used Samuel in ministering at a very young age.  And the Lord blessed Hannah for what she had done with Samuel and gave her other children as well.   (1Sam. 2:18-21)

I am overwhelmed with emotions of this precious baby! He is so good, I can hardly believe it sometimes.

He is practically sleeping through the night already!  He is on a really good schedule overall, we’re still working on making sure he doesn’t need to be “held” to fall asleep, though I absolutely LOVE rocking him to sleep and holding him!

And he is becoming SO animated and Expressive!  I absolutely love the smiles he’s been giving me.  He’ll sit on my lap,  and just stare at me now…and he’ll smile at faces and noises too.

Sean and I are just starting to work on baby sign language with him and it’s so much fun!  (I mean he isn’t fully aware of what’s going on yet, but…)  I’m really praying that will help later on too.  I’m so excited to work on training him and teaching him more about Jesus.  That’s mine favorite sign to work on with Ben too, (Thank-you Jesus).  I’ve also been playing Bible verse songs for him too during the day.  I don’t want to be a “pushy” training Mother, but I really want to start as early as possible for the habit of it if nothing else!

I’m so thankful for Sean because he really wants to work on the same areas I do.  We know we are going to be far from perfect parents, but we are so thankful to God for some eye opening experiences that have allowed us to research and talk about situations and pray for wisdom and discernment in making choices in parenting for Ben.

Ben is starting to get very used to having to have his binky to go to sleep, which really isn’t what Sean and I want to have happen, so it’s a hard choice as to if we just let him cry a little bit and settle himself, or to just give it to him when he crys.

Wow, I read today Deuteronomy 28….

God really spoke to me about His blessings on our lives through obedience to Him.  Reading the whole chapter really is amazing so I would encourage you to do so, but verse 2 says

“And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you because you obey the voice of the Lord your God”

What a profound thought to think that if we simply obey God, listen to His voice, we will be overtaken by His blessings!  Sometimes I think and feel I get really caught up in pursuing a life that God will give blessings to, but int he sense of just pursuing the blessings…when you really think about it, God will OVERTAKE you with blessings when you aren’t pursuing them, when you are simply set on Him and not anything else around it.

God is so good to us even when we have not deserved His fullest blessing!  He has given us trials and He has given us abundantly from His riches, and we ask still that He does continue to bless us, spiritually,  physicall, financially, etc… we want God’s fullness of blessings and joys on our lives.  And while God does chasten the child that does not obey Him to bring Him back, God is faithful and just to forgive us and bless us in every stage of life!

His love for us is so great, I can’t comprehend what He was thinking when He chose me and loved me and now calls me His own.

Ben’s first Christmas this year!  Wow was that AWESOME for me!!!  What a GIFT!!!!  I couldn’t help but sit and stare at him and think of what Mary must have been thinking when she gave birth to baby Jesus and knowing that He would be the Saviour of the world!  What a precious baby and an AMAZING thing!  I’m so thankful for the birth of Jesus and the birth of my own son Ben.  I pray that I will be the mother that can raise him to KNOW the baby Jesus who grew up into a man to die for the sins of this world.

I can look around and see how quickly many people (including myself at times) get so sucked into the rush and the fuss of the season, that we really don’t take the time to truly be thankful for what happened and enjoy the special time with family.

Christmas Eve was so much fun spending time with family and playing games, also spending the night with at my parents house and waking up really early to open gifts.

It’s so hard because I LOVE making a big deal about giving gifts and the FUN of Christmas, but I want sooo badly to keep the right perspective for my children.  I’m so very thrilled about starting my very own family traditions as well.  All growing up, every Christmas Eve my parents would give us kids new pjs to wear for Christmas morning.  It was always a lot of fun, but I think I really want my tradition to be a new book for the kids every year….I’ve been buying a book for Sean every year for a while, and I think it’d be really cool to continue in a very special way…include a note to them and something special that way.

Anyway, I just had to share a little bit about the first Christmas, I want to spend so much more time writing and reading.  I’m really praying I can get into a schedule better, yet it hasn’t been bad for just starting.

I have so much to write about.  Such a story in how God brought Bensen Kyle Gravener to us…on Thanksgiving Day no less!  Bensen was born November 22, 2007 at 4:57pm weighing 7lbs. 2.9oz and 20in. long!  He is such a miracle and a blessing, my words can not even begin to express it!

There have been so many lessons learned along these past 9+ Months and I know so many more to come over the life of this little man.  My hearts desire to raise Ben to love and serve God is not going to be an easy task, and certainly not one that Sean or I are taking lightly at all.  It’s amazing the rush and the overwhelming love and sense of a different kind of responsibility God fills you with as a parent.  It’s nothing you can realize or even explain until you actually experience it for yourself!  I mean, I loved this little guy long before he was born.  I spent hours during my pregnancy rubbing my belly, praying for him and even talking “to him”.  I felt like there was such a bond there already, how could I possibly love this little person any more?  Well nothing could express the way I felt the moment I heard him cry for the first time.  Ben was born by c-section after a very very long labor (4 days as a matter of fact), and it was sorta scary feeling the doctors tug and pull and really cut me open to get this baby out, but the second I heard that first whimper of Ben, my heart totally melted and I cried such a mixed emotion of tears myself.

It wasn’t long after he was delivered that I had him in my arms and was really just praising God for this miracle of life that He gave Sean and I to raise.  This baby is so beautiful and precious.  He’s been so good too.  I can hardly believe that tomorrow he will be 2 weeks old.  This time is going by too fast already!!!  I want so bad to capture every single moment with him and share it with the world (though the World is probably not quite ready for that haha!)  In any case, my desire to still blog at least 3 times a week about my devotions and everything is still a goal, one that I am falling very short of at the moment, but still recovering from the c-section and taking care of the newborn is a little bit more than I thought it would be…so much better, but more than I thought it would be.

Sean and I both really have our hearts set on wanting to do so many things, and it’s really hard some days.  Trying to find the balance, the discipline and the consistency, really isn’t an easy job either.  We want our relationship to grow in so many ways, then to also think of what we have to do personally for our own relationships with God to grow, and then raise a child to have a relationship too, it’s overwhelming to think of the proactive steps we have to take to draw closer to God, but the rewards of how He draws closer to us is so worth every step when we take it.

Sean and I were talking this morning, and it is so neat to see how much closer God is drawing us to Him.  How much we do not want to become stagnant in Him, even when it is the easy thing to just read the Bible once in a while, go to church and pray before we eat…that’s not a real relationship with God at all, and I am so thankful to be married to a man who actually sees it that way too!

My hearts plea is just for God to continue to draw us, teach us and convict us.  That we would just stay humble before Him and before each other as a couple.  I know that may sound a little cliche, but it really is how I feel.

I am so thankful for EVERYTHING God has done for us, right now I just praise Him for this beautiful family, a wonderful husband and an extremely good baby!  For this warm and safe home He had for us, for the car that we can drive, for the Doctors that are taking care of us.  For the exciting time of year to celebrate His birth and spend time with family and traditions, for the snow fall that is so neat to watch out my living room window this great afternoon.  I’m thankful for God’s word and for His gracious mercy toward us!  I’m so thankful for Sean’s job and for the provisions it allows us!  There are so many things that I really could just list on and on this afternoon…but I’m sure you get the idea.

In any case, I am really going to commit myself to writing as much as I can, to continue to read His word and to Rejoice Always!