I just finished (in less than 24 hrs I might add) Jon and Kate Gosselin’s book Multiple Blessings.  It has inspired me to write this post for now.

The book from Kate’s view of their journey of the past several years was so encouraging to me.  I was very spiritually encouraged by God’s amazing goodness in our lives.  This post really isn’t intended to be about that book.  But Kate’s openess in sharing her heart over her struggles and ups and downs was exactly what I needed right now.  I’ve been struggling a bit with some overwhelming emotions.  Call it post-partum, whatever you will, but emotional non-the less…lack of sleep if you will from a less than always content 3 weeks old.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m blessed by her every moment, but it wears on you night after night of her only wanting to be held to sleep.  It made me feel good to see kate “complain” to God yet praise Him at the same time.  It’s where I feel my life is at right now.

I’m tired, receovering, and overwhelmed.  I cry sometimes, usually in my nightly “relaxing time” of a hot bath that my wonderful husband so wonderfully allows me by keeping baby Jena happy.  I think how awful a mom I must be, plenty of other women do it! What is my problem?  I am not the first person to have two kids close together, (although I don’t know why people plan to have kids close together! lol! )  yet I feel whiny and miserable at times.  I love little Jena and her precious little faces and ever her pathetic whiny cry.  My heart aches for her that she has such a hard time getting her gas to pass and pooh to move that she just doesn’t know what to do with herself, but it hasn’t made me feel any less *BLAH*!

There have been so many times in the past 3 weeks that I feel like I’ve been a horrible mother to Bensen who is still very much learning and discovering and doing new things each day.  He doesn’t mind and he is so incredibly precious and sweet with little Jena.  He gives her kisses all the time and he loves to give her, her binky and even get diapers for me to change her. It’s an adjustment that we are getting through oneday at a time.  I think we are doing pretty well, dispite my mood-swings!

I know it’s just me, and I’m just whiny and whatever right now, but I thought i would post this anyway.  It’s really how I feel and i just wanted to put it out there.   I have  great support of friends around me, even though at times, I want to just hide in a hole and not talk to anyone because i feel like such a mess.  I am just thrilled to be so blessed with this family God gave me.  Sean is the most wonderful husband anyone could ever ask for, and Bensen is such a good little boy!!! Jena is still getting adjusted to life, but she is so beautiful and I love her to tiny pieces!!!